The Dinosaurs of the Future

Anglorama nr 3/2005 (31)

The Dinosaurs of the Future

Drodzy Panowie! Cieszmy się życiem, korzystajmy z niego, póki można. Nasz gatunek jest zagrożony! W przyszłości może odejdziemy w zapomnienie niczym obietnice przedwyborcze, rząd Wldemara Pawlaka, czy Alice (Alice? Who the f... is Alice?)

My fellow men, I bring Thee the words of warning, for great distress is upon us! With every passing day, the doomsday of our kind is fast approaching! According to some scientists we have a mere 125 thousand years before our delicate Y chromosome, which for millennia has been our humble input into the process of reproduction, will become barren like our modern pop music. Not that it will make much difference, since our contribution to the survival of the species, will not have been needed for ages. Parthenogenesis (from Greek “virgin birth”), which is the formation of the embryo exclusively from female genetic material, so far employed successfully by many desperate female insects, lizards, salamanders and some fish, will become available to women thanks to the wonders of constantly developing genetics. Getting nervous boys?

Funnily enough this is only the top of an enormous iceberg that will eventually sink the fragile boat of masculinity. Let’s compare the strengths and weaknesses of the two genders. To start with, in western countries, men live shorter by some 7 to 8 years and are more prone to falling victim to many diseases, particularly those related to the circulatory system. We seem to be walking litterbins of genetically transferred diseases – haemophilia, stuttering, insanity – you name it! Boys develop slower than girls, and score much worse in intelligence tests. What is more, we seem to be much more vulnerable to stress, suffer from depression much more frequently and commit suicide on a scale unprecedented among women. If you care to look at crime records you will find one area where male domination seems to be safe and sound. Statistically, men murder, steal and rape uncomparably more times than women. Alcohol and drugs? Oh, yes. Sadly, the majority of addicts are men.

Somehow it seems the patriarchal order of things in which men carried the burden of making decisions, thus enabling women to spend their time shopping and chatting about the qualities of different brands of washing powder, will come to an end. In our culture nobody disputes the sensibility of equal rights, although some claim that in many countries, such as the USA and Poland, the thin layer of gender justice covers an abyss of deeply rooted chauvinism. Yet, on the whole, whether men like it or not, things have changed. The role of a man is no longer that of a breadwinner. Statistically, young women are better educated and more interested in personal development than men. They do very well professionally and they are gradually advancing in the world of business and politics. In fact, it seems that some young men in the USA and Scandinavia have started to experience a deep sense of inferiority towards self-confident, ambitious and psychologically stable women. They seem to have started to feel ashamed of the fact that they are men.

Are this information only feminist propaganda, as some opponents would like to see it? Or is it a genuine signum temporis? It seems that the truth of the matter lies somewhere in the middle. Research conducted in the USA at Detroit State University convinces us that those poor, intimidated male genes still have a say in the process of reproduction. Apparently, they activate and program the correct formation of the embryo. Other research suggests that our friend, chromosome Y, with all its weakness and instability, evolves and adapts quickly enough to be considered the driving force in the human evolutionary process. Raise your head you merry men, `cause we’re here to stay! Not as primitive macho men, who hide their psychological shortcomings behind the windscreens of their sports cars and not as effeminate metrosexuals who transformed the positive manly ethos (yes, dear ladies, such things do exist!) into fashion awareness, but as plain old blokes - a bit of a warrior and a bit of a poet, in every part as ambitious and as clever as their female partners.

Wojciech Wojtasiak

thee – you (archaiczna forma)
distress – rozpacz
doomsday – dzień sądu ostatecznego
humble – skromny
barren – jałowy, bezproduktywny
to be prone (to) – miec skłonność (do czegoś)
unprecedented – bezprecedensowy
abyss – głębia, otchłań
deeply rooted – głęboko zakorzeniony
breadwinner – żywiciel rodziny
metrosexual – młody, zamożny mężczyzna, obsesyjnie dbający o swój wygląd

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